Spilt Sauce
by Silver Vaporeon
Summary: How does one find a way to seek forgivness if the other won't listen? Of course, this is when a curse becomes a blessing in disguise...though this in itself creates confusing emotions. My first Ranma 1/2 fic. yay. (PART 4 = teh UP)
1. preparing

Spilt Sauce

By Silver Vaporeon

Wow…it's my first Ranma ½ fan fiction.  Um…yay? 

Keyword is fan fiction; I don't own any part of Ranma 1/2. Don't I just suck at writing disclaimers? 

Thoughts are in italics and ***'s signify a scene change. Enjoy and don't forget to leave a comment on your way out. ^_^

*****

"See you tomorrow!" Yuki called to Akane before she exited the small classroom of I-F.  Akane waved back in farewell as she picked up her schoolbag that was lying on her desk.  Cleaning up the classroom was always a boring chore and the short-haired girl was glad that it was finally done.  It hadn't helped that her fiancé, Ranma Saotome, had run amuck through the room earlier that day trying to escape the punishment of their English teacher, Hinako Ninomiya when he was caught reading manga in class.  

"Ranma! I am ready to go!" Akane called but he had already disappeared from the room.  Akane grew angry, knowing that he had probably ditched the duty of cleaning the room.

I am SO going to kill him when I get home, she thought angrily.  She walked out of the room and out of the school.  She was walking on the path along the storm drains, debating wither to pummel him with her mallet or to kick him sky-high through the roof when a cry interrupted her thoughts.

"Come back here, you freak!" a familiar feminine voice called out as a small blur rushed by Akane. A familiar small blur slinging a bulging pack of unmentionables stuffed into it.  

"I don't think so!" Happosai called out gleefully. 

"Get back here!" a rather wet and peeved Ranma-chan rushed by Akane, causing the latter to blink in slight confusion.  She watched the female-form of her fiancé run after the small pervert-of-a-man that she was reluctant to address as her grandfather.  She shook her head and continued walking along, watching the orange and red-tinted leaves from the trees flutter around her.

Autumn was always a nice time of the year, she thought.  The air was getting cooler again and the setting sun gave everything a glowing golden hue.  Her walk took her through the neighborhoods of Nerima and the pleasant smell of dinner being prepared filled her nose.  It always gave her a sense of calmness when the aroma tickled her nose and prompted her to try harder to make her food at least slightly edible.  She turned the corner and arrived at the gates of the Tendo Dojo. Walking past the gates, she left her shoes at the doorstep and entered.

"I am ho-!" she started to call out before Ranma barged his way through the door and used her head as a springboard, still chasing after Happosai who had run through the door as Akane had entered.  Akane's face met the wooden floor and she twitched a little before raising her head to see Ranma round the corner of the hall and disappear.  Akane staggered to her feet, glowing with an angry blue aura. 

"Raaaaanmmmmmaaaaa……" she snarled as she reached for her favorite wooden sword that stood in the corner.  "…Prepare to die!" 

She followed the red-headed girl and caught up with Ranma who was strangling Happosai with a frilly pink brassiere from his collection of stolen underwear.  Akane ended up deciding to lambaste Ranma **and send both the gender-ambiguous girl and the elderly pervert on a one-way ticket to the stratosphere. **

***

"Akane got you good this time, Ranma," Daisuke observed the wounds on Ranma's figure as he walked to his seat the next day.  Though the comical lumps on Ranma's head had quickly disappeared the night before, many of his numerous bruises were still visible, not to mention the black eye that his fiancée had given him when he returned was rather conspicuously dealt with Akane's fist.  Ranma sat at his seat muttering something about uncute macho chicks.  Akane took her seat behind Ranma and let out a sound of arrogant superiority as if to say "serves you right".  Ranma turned around and stuck his tongue at her and found a rather large text book shoved into his mouth, stretching out his cheeks.  

"Ack-haan-ey!" he howled as he struggled to remove the book from his mouth. 

Mr. Watanabe walked in and the classroom fell silent as he took roll at the head of the classroom aside from Ranma's sounds of struggling as he continued to attempt to dislodge the textbook. 

"…Komiya,Sumiko," the middle-aged man read off the attendance sheet.

"Present," the girl raised her hand and Mr. Watanabe made a checkmark next to the name.

"Kuonji, Ukyo," he announced.  

Ranma finally managed to yank the book out of his mouth and waited for the usual unenthusiastic "here" Ukyo gave when her name was called but it was replaced with silence. Akane noticed the absence of the usual reply as well and looked at the empty seat.  Mr. Watanabe waited for a little bit as if to confirm his student's absence.

"Kuonji, Ukyo. Abs-" he lifted his pencil to fill in the box marked "absent" when a flushed Ukyo threw open the door, panting and looking as if she had just run a marathon. 

"Kuonji, Ukyo" she panted.  "Present.  Sorry I'm late," she walked to her desk and sat down, her head bowed.  Mr. Watanabe sighed and made a checkmark next to her name. 

"Kuonji, Ukyo," he repeated from where he left off. "Tardy.  Go stand in the hallway." 

Ukyo, neither looking too upset nor nonchalant about her punishment, got out of her seat and walked to the front of the room to pick up the heavy buckets of water that stood near the door and walked outside, standing in front of the window with her back towards the classroom.

She was never late to class before, Ranma couldn't help thinking.  He wondered why his friend would arrive late for a little bit but Mr. Watanabe had already started going over polynomials and Ranma was in no mood to be joining Ukyo in the hall for "not paying attention" though he never paid much attention to school work in the first place. 

***

An hour passed before Ukyo was allowed back into the classroom.  She simply replaced the buckets at the door and sat down, beginning to take notes from what was already on the board and asked Miki, the smartest boy in the class and who sat in the row parallel to her, in a hushed whisper to lend her his notes at lunch.  He nodded and continued to take detailed notes. He and Ukyo were good friends so she was one of the only ones that he'd lend notes to.  Ranma grew bored of juggling incomprehensionable math in his aching brain and looked in Ukyo's direction out of the corner of his eye. Her hand was busy scribbling down math formulas but her face contained a sense of secret excitement that was getting harder to contain by the minute.  Akane glanced at the pony-tailed girl and let out a small sound of disapproval.  Ukyo was probably daydreaming about Ranma, she thought. 

Lunch time rolled around and the cafeteria was crammed with hungry students clamoring for the last melon bread or the last salmon sandwiches.  Ranma got lucky and received his lunch before they ran out.  The bag of hot lunch felt pleasant in his hands and his stomach was dancing with anticipation, begging Ranma to eat the food before it got stolen or too cold.  

"Ranma! Come sit with us!" Hiroshi called out, waving wildly in the pig-tailed martial artist's direction. Daisuke waved alongside with Hiroshi.  

"Sayuri says that there's a special event happening later! Daisuke called. "Wanna come and hear?"

Ranma opened his mouth to reply when a cheerful "Ran-chan~!" rang out and he felt someone hug him from behind.  He felt something bulky pressing against his back in a diagonal and saw that the arms that held him around the chest were clothed in the navy blue cloth of a Furinkun High boy's uniform. It didn't take him long to figure out who was holding him. 

" 'ey, Ucchan," He turned around and greeted her when she let go.  "What are you so happy about today? You came in la-"

"I'll explain it while we're eating, ok, Ran-chan?" Ukyo's face glowed with happiness and pride. 

"Ukyo!" Hiroshi ran up to her like an excited puppy eager for a walk. "Is it true? Is it true?" 

Ranma blinked in confusion. "…is what true?" 

"Ah ha. Don't you just want to know, Ranma-honey?" Ukyo smirked.  "I'll show you guys outside."

They walked out into the grassy field beside the main building and sat under a shady tree that had yet to shed its leaves of gold and red.  Ukyo had disappeared somewhere and Ranma sat with Hiroshi, Daisuke and Sayuri who took on the role of excited children. 

"I don't get it," Ranma inquired as he ate. "What's the big deal with Ukyo now?" he asked Daisuke.  Before his friend could answer, a metallic clattering of equipment and utensils attracted their attention.  The spatula-wielding girl put the box down along with her large spatula and quickly set up her portable grill for cooking okonomiyaki and took out pre-mixed batter in a small metal container. She turned on the grill and removed two small spatulas from the bandolier she always slung around her shoulder.  It was easy to liken the chief with a martial artist, which she partly-claimed to be. Ranma munched on the last of his lunch bread and licked at his fingers when he finished them.

"Observe," she said. With a loud cry, she kicked the container (minus the lid) into the air and jumped into the air herself. She quickly divided the batter into equal portions and they plopped onto the grill with the same timing precision that falling dominos possess.  Ukyo landed in front of the grill, cradling the container in one arm. She set it down and quickly got to work. A few minutes later and with many tricks and flourishes, the girl provided the group with hot okonomiyaki, cooked to perfection. 

"Mm..." Ranma nibbled at the specialty, feeling a bit full. "So what is this all 'bout, Ukyo? Just decided to fix us some lunch?"

"You mean you haven't heard, Ranma?" Sayuri nearly squealed in surprise, her ponytail swaying. "She's-"

"I am having a special event at Ucchan's today after school," Ukyo spoke for herself and handed Ranma a flyer that had a SD-drawing of Ukyo flipping equally cartoony okonomiyaki. Ranma read the announcement out loud:

  
 **A special event at Ucchans on Friday! See martial arts prepare your dish before your eyes! The spectacle happens at ****5:00**** in the vacant lot near Ucchans.  Don't be late! - ♥^_~ **

Ranma looked at his third fiancée who was glowing with pride and then back at the flyer and saw that Ukyo was having a 75% price reduction as well for the event. 

"Is this a promotion-thing for your restaurant?" Ranma asked over the noisy gobbling from his two male friends.  Ukyo nodded. 

"You bet it is.  I spent the last few nights making the flyer design and organizing everything. This is going to be so great! Business will be booming before you know it!" Ukyo smiled broadly. 

_So that's why she was late to school…  Ranma thought._

"Thank you for lunch, Ukyo," Sayuri said as she was nearing finishing the dish. Hiroshi and Daisuke attempted to thank her as well but it was near to impossible to understand anything since their mouths were full of okonomiyaki. 

"No prob. Just remember to stop by after school, ok?" Ukyo winked.  A scream from the other students drew their attention.

"Get away from me!" Miki from their class ran away from a large familiar looking man with a  palm tree growing out of his head and plastic sunglasses for spectacles that was chasing him.  He clutched at his slightly longer-than-average hair.  All the other boys in the proximity of the crazed tree all bolted for safety in the classrooms. 

"Demerit for da' long 'air boy!" the man  called out. " 'avent youze heard da new reinforced rules? Buzz cuts for dem boys! Yousa boy so yousa gets the cut!" 

"Miki! Hold on!" Ukyo picked up her large battling spatula which lay on the ground and ran towards the scene to defend her friend.  Ranma sighed.  He had had enough of the antics of the psycho principal and was eager to give him a few kicks for past grievances. He got to his feet and soon caught up with Ukyo.

"Don't forget me!" Ranma said as they caught up with Principal Kuno.  Ranma gave his principal a flying kick to the back of the head before landing in front of him. 

"OH-!" Principal Kuno cried out and rubbed his head. "Curse you, Ranma Saotome!" he growled in his maniacal way, giving Ranma the birdie.

"Yeah…yeah…" Ranma narrowed his eyes. "Why are you picking on students this time, you weirdo?"

"Well, da rules are da rules an' boys aren't allowed to 'ave da long 'air!" the Hawaiian-obsessed man drew out his barber sheers. "An' dat rule applies to you too, Ranma Saotome! Buzz Cut!" 

Principal Kuno lunged at Ranma without much success and found himself eating dirt when Ranma elbowed him to the ground.  Ukyo leaped up and brought her spatula down on Principal Kuno's head with a loud "CLONG!".  

"Pick on someone your own size!" she chastised him. 

The dazed man looked up and saw a red-garbed martial artist with a pigtail and a student in male uniform with a long brown ponytail.

"..d-dem-demerit…" the Principal staggered to his feet with twin gleaming sheers in his hands. "…long hair become buzz cut for da both of you!" 

END PART ONE

***

wow! Wasn't that just the stupidest chapter to begin with? And I have yet to finish my other fan fiction and instead of working on those, I've started on a new one!  Don't worry for the real plot has yet to begin! Oh and yes! Akane comes back into the scene and (dramatic voice) Ennnnnnnter Kuno and other members of our cast! Yippie skippies! 


	2. shattered

Spilt Sauce; Chapter Two

By Silver Vaporeon

Well, we're getting closer to the main plot now.  We have ourselves a battle scene here, folks! *ooh ahh*. 

Thoughts are in italics and ***'s signify a scene change. And did I mention that Ranma ½ or its characters do not belong to me at all?  Be glad that it doesn't. Lord knows how screwed up I'd make it…

****

The hands of the two teenagers clutched at their long hair in conditioned reflex.  

"Yes, dat's right, keikis! Youse two gets da buzzcut!" The principal lunged at Ukyo first and would have sliced her hair in one go if Ranma didn't rush in front of her and give their principal a kick to the face.  Ukyo blushed slightly.  She was never one to enjoy being the damsel in distress but the thought of her darling "Ran-chan" protecting her was enough to make her heart skip a beat.

"Is that palm tree screwed on too tight or somethin', ya loony? Ukyo is a g-" Ranma started to say before Ukyo jabbed him in the ribs. Ranma doubled over and clutched his stomach, giving Ukyo an angry look before remembering that the chestnut-haired girl had registered at the school as a boy and that the punishment for impersonating another person was expulsion from the insane asylum known as Furinkun High School.  All the students might have known that she was indeed, female, but the head of the school did not.  All he knew that on the days that when a girl by the same name showed up at school,  the boy Ukyo Kuonji was absent and vice versa.  They might have the same name, but they were of completely different genders in the school registration records. Principal Kuno rubbed at the offending sting on his cheek and jabbed at Ranma who dodged and ducked every attack.  Ukyo removed her large battling spatula from her bandolier again and swung at the man, which distracted him for a moment. 

"Ran-chan! We'd better run!" Ukyo grabbed Ranma by his pigtail and took off, running as fast as her sneakered feet would take her.  Her ponytail smacked her in the face as she glanced back to see Principal Kuno chasing after them with mouth curled back into in insane smile and his tongue hanging out and flapping around like the tongue of an extremely hyper dog sticking his head out of a moving car.  

_Well, at least Miki is safe…but what about us?  Ukyo thought as she rounded the corner of the main building._

"Hey! Ow! Ucchan! Can you let me go now? HEY!" Ranma tried desperately to gain Ukyo's attention.  His hair felt like it was going to be ripped out of his head.  His fiancée released him at last when they had covered some distance.  Ukyo, out of breath, leaned uneasily against her metal weapon.  Ranma bit his lip.  It was partially his fault that the Principal was after her as well as him and it was a martial artist's duty to protect women, not put them into danger.  Ranma placed a strong hand on the girl's shoulder and she blushed what would have been a notable blush if she weren't red in the face already from all the running.

"Ucchan. Since you're tired, go hide behind those bushes over there," he said, pointing at a cluster of bushes under some trees. "I'll try to lure that psycho away."  

"R-Ranma.." Ukyo tried to protest but her will was crumbling as her heart won over her rational mind's objections. 

"Don't worry 'bout me, just do it!" Ranma picked Ukyo up and placed her in what he deemed a suitable hiding spot behind the foliage. Ukyo, being too stunned by Ranma's actions, sat down looking back at him like a small child.  Ranma winked. "I'll be fine."  He took off again and Ukyo saw him taunting their school's headmaster as he finally rounded the school and saw Ranma.  She gave a small sigh of relief as the two disappeared. 

Ukyo felt the heat rising to her face. It was one of those things she loved about her fiancé.  He was always so strong and thinking of other people in dangerous situations.  He was to be her fine husband; a match made in heaven.  They'd have fine children too….a girl and a boy would be nice though she'd love whatever children she and Ran-chan would create together with all her heart.  Yes, it was a bright looking future.

"Ran….chan…" she murmured, smiling a bit with her eyes closed.  Fantasizing about her and Ranma's future was one of her feminine pastimes.  Surely one day he'd come up to her with a twinkling in his eye saying that he had pushed the others aside just for her. And then….

*BOOM*

"WHERE AM I?!" 

The loudly-posed question that had followed the equally loud otamatapiea snapped Ukyo (quite unpleasantly) from her reverie.  She whipped around and saw that the person who had interrupted her thoughts was  none other than the direction-less Ryoga Hibiki.  He brushed back his mussed hair which looked as if it had not been washed in weeks. His trademark exhausted scowl was etched into his face as he looked at the generic forest scene around him.  He hadn't seen the annoyed girl that was sitting a few feet away from him yet and he pulled himself from the hole he had created with his bakusai tenketsu technique.  Apparently, the boy had lost his way again to who-knows-where and had resorted to tunneling miles through the rocky soil.

"What are you doing here?" Ukyo asked in a rather annoyed fashion with narrowed eyes accompanying her voice.  Ryoga whirled around with umbrella in hand and thrust it forward ready to attack, the tip of it only inches away from the non-flinching girl's throat.  It wasn't often he had come across attackers but they did pop up now and then.  When his eyes met Ukyo's, he relaxed and replaced the heavy weapon back onto his backpack.

"Oh. It's just you," Ryoga stated.  The girl he was speaking with narrowed her eyes further.  She was not pleased that the bandanna-ed boy crouched in front of her had disturbed her from her flowery dream sequence at all; not to mention being referred to as "just you".

"What do you mean, 'just you'?" Ukyo demanded. "And you still didn't answer my question!"

Ryoga turned his head away.  "…I am looking for the Tendo Dojo." 

Ukyo was half-tempted to bash the boy silly with her own heavy choice of weaponry but instead, she groaned and smacked her forehead with her hand. It figured that the boy would get lost and end up at Furinkun on the one day that Ranma actually paid some special attention to her. Ryoga, being tired and hungry from his hundred-mile trek across the country of Japan in search of the dojo, scowled.  He was defiantly not in the mood to be reminded of his sense of direction…or his lack of, in any case.  His sensitive nose detected the lingering scent of cooking okonomiaki on Ukyo's clothing and his stomach was doing crazy gymnastics in its fervor.  He bit his lip with his right canine tooth peaking out. 

"…do you happen to have anything to eat?" he asked, trying to sound polite.  He had found out that people usually gave him food when he asked in a nice and calm fashion, rather than when he grabbed them by the hem of their shirts, begging for food when his stores ran out.  The attempt brought no sympathy from the okonomiaki cook who only glared at him some more.

"No, I don't, you moron,"  Ukyo turned the other cheek.  The jackass actually had the audacity to disturb her and then ask her for food! Ryoga sighed.

"…then can you at least show me where the Tendo Dojo is?" he asked again in the same tone. Ukyo gave him a look of pure disgust as if he had done something outlandishly stupid. 

"Right before I have to go back to class, Ryoga? Geez, you really know how to pick the times to annoy people!"

"You don't have to be so rude," Ryoga replied, equally irritated.  It was hard to be nice to girls and it was very hard to remember that Ukyo Kuonji was in fact a 100% girl. One that bound her chest with sarashi, yes, but a girl nevertheless.  For a moment, the two teenagers glared at each other without an exchange of words.  It had only been a few months since the whole "Tunnel of Love" fiasco had occurred and the two were still constantly arguing about whose fault it was that the supposed flawless plan flopped.  Forgetting her predicament, Ukyo stood up and climbed over the bushes.  She didn't want to even spend another minute with the bull-headed boy.

"See you later, Ryoga," she said as she walked away. 

"Hey! HEY!" Ryoga called out, remembering that Akane went to Furinkun High School as well.  "Show me where Akane is at least!" 

"Don't follow me around, you jackass!" 

*****

Akane Tendo was at her desk eating lunch when Miki burst into the room, panting with his hair in a tangled mess and his glasses askew.  She glanced at him with puzzlement.  Miki was not the athletic nor easily-excited type and yet he could have been mistaken as either or both in the state he was in.

"What's going on, Miki?" she asked.  Miki opened his mouth to reply when the rest of the classroom boys burst in and hid under their desks covering their heads with shaking arms.  Akane raised an eyebrow and looked to Miki again. Perhaps it was another earthquake drill.

"P-Principal Kuno," Miki managed to get out and pointed shakingly at his unkempt hair. "I had grown my hair a bit longer these last few months and I sorta forgot about his rule about long hair on boys. Guy chased me around the whole school."

"Oh," Akane stated, remembering the last few skirmishes between Ranma and the school's principal about his pigtail.  "Where is he now?"

"Chasing Ranma. He and Ukyo saved my hide," the boy replied.  Akane stood up.

"Ukyo was with Ranma?" she asked, a bit too excitedly.  Miki nodded.  Akane bit her lip.  She didn't know why it would make any difference if Ranma were dancing around naked with a deranged octopus instead. Okay, so that image would be disturbing and all but still. Any mention of Ranma's other fiancées would send Akane into a state of absolute fury and she had no idea why.  Of course, Akane wouldn't know why but everyone else knew.  Akane nearly choked as a pair of powerful arms came up from behind and hugged her tightly and the irritating feel of hair rubbing against neck sent chills down her spine.   

"Akane Tendo! Worry not about that scoundrel you've been forced to call your fiancé! Seek comfort in these faithful arms of mine, my angelic beauty!" Gaining her senses a second later, her right fist shot up and connected with Tatewaki Kuno's chin.  He let go and fell over onto the other desk in a slight daze.  The other boys got up and gathered around, gawking at the sight and prodding at the fallen kendoist with the backs of their pencils, rulers, etc.

"Kuno! Why are you in this room?!" Akane demanded. Kuno blinked and sat up, fully recovered.  He ran a large hand through his hair, chuckling.  The act would have caused many a maiden to melt into a puddle of warm romantic goo on the floor but of course, Akane was no such maiden and thus was unaffected by Kuno's manly charm. 

"But to see my fair Akane, of course!" he replied. Standing up, he spread his arms out wide. "Come and let us embrace, my love!"  He moved towards her but was stopped by the usual foot in his face. His hands continued to attempt to touch his love in vain, snatching at empty air. 

"Not right now, Kuno. Not now, not ever," Akane furrowed her eyebrows, emphasizing on the "ever".  

" 'ey! Ranma an' the principal are still runnin' around down there!" a boy in the class announced from the window and instantly, the boys in the room had their faces plastered to the glass to watch. Indeed, the Chinese-clothed boy was continuing to lead the headmaster around the school courtyard in a twisting and turning fashion.  Akane removed her foot from her stalker's face and clambered over heads and under legs until she reached the glass.

"Ranma!" she exclaimed.  She threw open the window, nearly sending the tightly-knit group falling out onto the field like a barrelful of monkeys.  She called his name again without getting his attention.

"Why if it isn't the old man! And Ranma Saotome!" Kuno observed, neglecting to speak in his usual Shakespearian prose.  He wrinkled his brow in thought.  Two of the people he hated most in the world…conveniently in the same spot and distracted in their own little squabble and making the loudest ruckus in the history of Nerima…  

"I, Tatewaki Kuno, the Blue Thunder of Furinkun High, shall fly into the battle and bring you both to your knees for disrupting the peace!" he jumped out the third story window and landed neatly on the soft grass in a crouched position.  He then stood at full height.  With bokken in hand, he stood his ground, looking very intimidating.  The kendoist held out his sword and shifted his position as to stand sideways with his back leg supporting the majority of his body weight.  

"Hold, varmints! You have disrupted the peace of our beloved institution of education as we partake in our midday meal! I, Tatewaki-UMPH!" he didn't get to finish his sentence as a Chinese slipper got intimate with his face as the owner ran over rather than past him. The Blue Thunder fell over in a daze before the wind got knocked out of him as his father trampled him.  Nabiki Tendo walked by and looked at the pathetic-looking man that lay before her decorated with various footprints. 

"Kuno-baby, you really have to find a better place to sleep," she said with a rather large slice of sarcasm. 

******

"I said LEAVE * ME * ALONE!"

"Just let me see her!" 

Ukyo Kuonji reached her own breaking point and removed her large spatula from her bandolier.  With terrifying ease, she brought it around in a large arch and then swung it backwards with a single hand where it made contact with the Lost Boy's face before he even realized her previously clenched hand had left her side.  Ryoga Hibiki's body twitched in pain before he fell away from the metal surface and landed dazed onto the walkway with an awkward KOed expression on his face.  Ukyo replaced her weapon and glared at Ryoga angrily.  She tossed back her hair and gave a small huff of irritation.

"I've already told you that I am BUSY right now so do me a favor and don't talk to me,"  The okonomiaki chef continued walking towards the area she had demonstrated her "martial arts cooking".  The thought of leaving her supplies in the open for people to steal was not a good one at all.  A thundering of feet drew her attention  and she lifted her head to see Ranma and the Principal running straight towards her.

Ukyo mentally slapped herself; she had forgotten about Ran-chan telling her to stay in the bushes.  _Damn that jackass! She thought as she turned on her heels and ran in Ryoga's direction. The Lost Boy had regained some consciousness and saw two girls in boy school uniforms running towards him.  Then he shook his head and confirmed that there was only ONE girl in a boy's school uniform running in his direction.  _

"Hey! Did you change your-" he started before Ukyo ran passed him, followed by Ranma and a psychopathic principal with a palm tree growing out of his head.  Ranma's eyes widened as he turned his attention to the front and saw his spatula'ed friend running in front of him with her ponytail flouncing from one side to another as she ran.  The small strand of white fabric she used to tie her hair back had come loose and slid down a little below her shoulders but the girl didn't take notice as there were much more important things on her mind.  

"I thought I told you to stay in the bushes!" Ranma panted as he caught up with his fiancée.  Ukyo bit her lip. It would have been stupid to say that she had FORGOTTEN to stay in the foliage so she opted for the next best thing: lie.

"I couldn't  leave you alone to fight this psycho, Ran-chan!" she cried.

"I can handle him myself! Just get somewhere where you won't get hurt!"

"Ran-chan!"  Ukyo objected. "You know I can't do that! And besides, it will be harder for him to choose who to go for if we stay together!" Ranma shook his head at Ukyo's last statement and pointed towards the bushes at the edge of the school.

"This is no time for arguing! Go stay in the b-" he was interrupted by a man clad in yellow who had caught up with the two.  Ryoga turned to Ukyo, determination still burning strong in his eyes. He grabbed onto her shoulder as they ran.

"Please! Tell me where Akane is!" he pushed the question forward again.  His heart was close to exploding from the anticipation.  He hadn't seen Akane for three weeks and oh how he wanted to see her again, not to mention sleeping with her again as P-chan and taking in her warmth….

"Go away, you stupid jackass! This is all your fault!" Ukyo's sharp voice cut through his thoughts.  She batted his large hand away and pulled forward with a burst of energy.

"My fault?! I don't even know what is going on!" he argued.  Ranma was supposed to be the designated scapegoat of the series, not him.

"Then get lost!" 

"I am ALREADY lost!" 

Ukyo growled in frustration, her patience wearing thinner than tissue paper.  This was supposed to be a special day for her and now Ryoga was spoiling her once pristine mood.

"I be taking da first move!" a heavily accented voice rang out behind them.  The three teenagers leapt and scattered three ways as a barrage of sheers and razors whizzed through the air, which became embedded in the concrete.  Ranma rolled over back onto his feet quickly and launched himself into the air.  He extended his strong right leg out which connected with Principal Kuno's jaw.  He then flipped himself back lithely and landed neatly on his feet.  Only slightly dazed by the blow, his opponent jabbed at him with his sharp instruments of battle.  Forced to dance around the blades of doom, Ranma could not execute his special attack, the Kachu Tenshin Amaguriken.  The inevitable trip occurred and Ranma found himself on the ground.  He took the opportunity of the disadvantage to shift his weight to one side and swing his free leg around to knock the tanned man off balance. 

"Take that!" Ranma yelled as he heaved himself from the ground to meet the Principal eye-to-eye who had just gotten his balance back.  He was about to execute his attack of lightning-speed punches when a familiar loud battle cry broke through.  

"Saotome! Prepare to die!" Tatewaki Kuno, aged seventeen joined in the fray, swinging his wooden bokken at the pig-tailed martial artist.  Ranma let out a moan reminiscent of a child's who had discovered he had extra homework to complete. Taking care of one Kuno family member was more than enough for what he considered his sanity to take.    
  


"Not now, you idiot! YOW!" he cried before ducking to avoid the sharp tip of Tatewaki's sword that would have found its new home in his forehead.  Principal Kuno mistook his son's aggressive jabs at the delinquent student as a form of allegiance to his father and joined in the lovely game of trying to impale Ranma with sword and shear. 

"Ran-chan!" Ukyo turned around to see her beloved fiancé in danger of becoming the Japanese version of Swiss cheese.  She then glared at Ryoga who came to stand by her to ask her more questions. She furrowed her eyebrows and grabbed ahold of Ryoga's yellow sweater, glaring. 

"Make yourself useful, Ryoga!" she demanded and shook him angrily.  Ryoga looked down at the shorter girl.   

"Will you show me Akane?"  he asked.  Ukyo let out another exasperated sigh.  Not only was he stupid and pitiful, he was unrelenting. 

"Just shut up and maybe I will!" she said exasperatedly.  "Now go help Ranma!" she booted him into the already confused battle.  Ryoga nearly got scalped by the Principal's sheers and then had to backflip out of Kuno's attack range as he came between the kendoist and Ranma.  Ryoga collected himself and took out his iron umbrella.  He quickly opened it and hurled it into the fray.  He succeeded in sending both Kuno and Ranma flying into a tree where they got tangled in the branches which greatly annoyed the already irritated Ukyo.  She walked up to Ryoga and smacked him on the head with her large spatula which vibrated metallically.  Ryoga didn't feel much pain but he got the idea that the girl was angry with him.

"You jackass! You weren't supposed to hit Ranma!" she cursed him.  Ryoga shrugged.

"He's not in danger any more, is he?" he pointed at the tree. "He's safe and sound in that tree!"

"You are missing the point, you idiot!"  she argued.

"I upheld my end of the deal," Ryoga was reaching his own breaking point. "Where is Akane?"

"Will you shut up about Akane already?!" Ukyo roared. 

Ranma awoke first and opened his eyes.  As they adjusted in a similar way that a telescope does, they saw a man in a blue Hawaiian shirt with sheer in hand silently (for once) approach the argumentative girl who was too absorbed in her squabbling with the bandannaed boy who had not noticed the man either.  The armed hand came up….the weapon gleamed in the sunlight…

"Ukyo, look out!" Ranma shouted

With hardly any time for the girl to react, the razor came around, slicing at her head.  Ukyo shrieked and whipped around to avoid the razor cutting her neck, only to have the same weapon slice quickly through her jacket, bandolier and sarashi in several areas as it continued on its downward path.  The girl staggered back in slight shock, causing her shredded upper clothing to fall off in shreds.  Ukyo felt the tightness around her chest suddenly loosen and realized a moment too late that her sarashi had fallen apart as well. Quickly, she covered her chest with her hands, trying to keep the tatters of the chest bindings from revealing the skin they once covered.  The principal stopped in shock as he noticed the sudden change in the boy he thought he was up against. 

"A-A-A wahine?!" he gasped as the guilty razor fell from his hands. "Da Big Kahuna has made terrible boo-boo!"

The girl bit her lip.  Her secret was of no more.  Now the head of the school knew her true gender as did the ignorant students of the school.  It was impossible to hide anything as the proof was in plain view despite of her frantic attempts to hide evidence of her true gender.  A crowd of murmuring students circumscribed the area.  Ukyo wanted to die, to evaporate from the circle that the student body created around her.  But she couldn't look away from the inquiring eyes, or break down and cry; she was a strong girl who had been pretending to be a man and she wasn't about to let go of her tough "unbreakable" image although her manly identity had been thoroughly shattered.  She was vaguely aware that her head felt significantly lighter but emotions of fear and deep shame overshadowed her concerns of damages.  Blue eyes locked with shocked or condescending mahogany ones. She finally looked down, unable to meet the gaze of her peers.  She then saw long lengths of brown hair at her feet pitifully bound loosely together with a strand of white fabric.  A cautious hand reached back to her ponytail.  Or at least where it used to be.  Her fingers found loose strands of short hair ending slightly below her jaw line.  It hit her like a ton of cement: sixteen years' worth of hair had been cut away from her as well as her alter ego.  She hugged the shredded material of her uniform and sarashi closer to her chest and tasted blood as she bit her tongue to keep from exploding into a fit of tears.

"U-Uchan…" Ranma murmured in shock as he started to untangle himself from the tree branches.  Tatewaki Kuno closed his eyes and turned his head away, ashamed of his father's doings.

Ryoga opened his mouth but lost his ability to speak as Ukyo glared at him accusingly.  Fire burned within her eyes, marking the Lost Boy as her target.  They told him clearly that forgiveness was beyond consideration.  Ryoga stepped back.  He had never seen a girl so angry before. The loud irate screaming and yelling he received because of several failed "break-Ranma-and-Akane-up" schemes were nothing compared with the silent ones she conveyed.  He was not the man who had sliced her hair and clothes but he felt a pang of guilt shoot through him all the same.  He finally looked away, unable to meet her accusing gaze.

"Hey, look! Ukyo actually has a chest!" a delinquent finally spoke up, jabbing his friend in the ribs.  A howl of laughter and catcalls burst out from his equally delinquent group, attracting glares from others in the crowd who otherwise did nothing to stop their taunting.  Ukyo grit her teeth. Tears of bitter shame threatened to burst through and she could only hope that the wall she had built around her emotions would hold.

"Man, I wonder why she hides it all the time," his friend chimed in loudly.  More hoots and hollers followed, hammering away at the weakening defensive wall within her. Utterly humiliated, she silently burst through the crowd, knocking many students out of her way and ran off the school grounds and disappeared quickly into the residential streets.  

The students remained silent, stunned by the whole incident except for the delinquents who continued laughing and making crude comments about the girl.  

Ranma finally got out of the tree and punched the leader of the bullying group in the face.  A bokken came hard upon the head of his accomplice and the two troublesome boys fell to the ground.  The rest of the group became silent as Ranma and Kuno silently challenged them with serious expressions. 

"You have some nerve laughing at her like that!" Ranma admonished them.  "She had gone through enough today and you idiots had to make it worse!" 

"Alas, I have been shown the days of chivalry are gone for you cowardly men have not shown a dishonored maiden proper courtesy and dare instead make such salacious comments about her body.  Be gone with ye!"  Kuno commanded and the members of the small group tripped over each other  in trying to get away.  Kuno then turned to his fellow students. 

"I want all of you to return to your classrooms and not a word from any mouth!" he pointed with his bokken at the school building.  The students began to leave.  Ranma looked at Kuno, silently thanking him for one of his better actions as the kendoist marched the students back into the building.  The pig-tailed martial artist then looked at Ryoga who had seated himself on the ground.  He was looking at the ground in silent thought with the look of a puppy that knew that it had done something terribly wrong on his face.  Ranma sighed and bent down to meet Ryoga's gaze.  

"Ucchan's strong, don't worry 'bout what happened, Ryoga. I…I am sure she's gonna be alright," Ranma said, half believing himself. He searched around in his mind for anything else he could say to reassure them both. "She….she has that huge martial arts food-preparation exhibition to look forward to. I am sure she'd be able to pull herself together for that. You'll see, right after school, she'll be serving giant okonomiaki in the vacant lot as promised. But as for this guy…." Ranma pointed where the Principal used to be.  Apparently he had disappeared when everyone was distracted by the delinquent students.  Ranma growled angrily and snapped his fingers. It would be a long time before he would ever see the psycho again after an incident such as the one that had just occurred. 

"And how do you suppose she'll make her 'giant okonomiaki' without spatulas?" Ryoga finally spoke.  Ranma glanced where Ryoga was looking and saw that Ukyo had left her beloved battle spatula and sliced bandolier with her arsenal of spatulas behind along with her shorn hair.

END PART TWO

*****

yay….I got this chapter done (I liked writing the classroom scene. That was cool).  You know I realized that the whole hair-cutting idea was nearly the same as Takashi's about three-fourths through the scene?  Heh…so before you start screaming at me for major unoriginality…. no, I didn't intend it to be a rip-off of that but meh, there it is anyways. Now you know what a ding-dong bimbo I am.  Har har.  _-_  

Reviews greatly appreciated as always. Share the love. 

-SV


	3. stumbling

Spilt Sauce Part Three

By Silver Vaporeon

Thoughts are in italics and ***'s signify a scene change. Oh and guess what? I bought the rights to Ranma ½ and its characters! Wow! Isn't that neat? And people actually use their turn signals before they switch lanes! And they stop for that stop sign near my school as well. What? They don't? Dang. That made my previous statement false. 

Closer we're coming….closer yet so far…..

On with the story!

*********

 "I am telling you, she'll be fine, guys," Ranma said, one arms behind his head in a casual manner as he walked on the chain-link fence after school.  The other hand carried the large battle spatula of his friend.  Akane, Daisuke, Hiroshi and Miki seemed uneasy despite Ranma's reassuring as they walked alongside on the sidewalk.  They turned right and stopped at the vacant lot where Ukyo had advertised that she would be making her specialty in the form of her own martial arts. 

The vacant lot was truly vacant.  

True enough, there was the wooden framework of a battling arena not unlike the one Ranma had fought Ukyo on when they had first got reacquainted. However, everything else was missing except for the boys and the small crowd that was just arriving.

Ranma felt a small lump rise in his throat and he hastily swallowed. 

"I am sure she's on her way right now. P-probably still getting ready," Ranma attempted to find an excuse.  Unfortunately, it was more flimsy than a toothpick house held together with gluestick. A workman in blue overheard Ranma and came up to him and his friends with a large plank of wood lifted to his shoulder and a burning cigarette in his mouth, adding to his stereotypical appearance of a construction worker. 

"I wouldn't count on anythin', kid," the man said. "The girl called me up today an' told me not t' bother with helpin' her move equipment o'er here. Said she wuz feelin' a tad under t' weather today."

"…'on her way right now', huh?" Hiroshi repeated, looking at Ranma accusingly. Ranma scowled back, tightening his grip on the metal weapon in his hand. It wasn't his fault that everything had turned out the way that it did.  

"I suggest that we walk by and check on how she's doing," Miki said. "I still have to drop off my notes that she asked for." 

"Yeah! I think that would be a great idea!" Akane piped up.  Both Ranma and Daisuke sighed disapprovingly.

"Don't you think that would be a little too overwhelming? I don't think she'd want all of us at her place asking if she was all right and stuff," Daisuke pointed out. Ranma agreed.  

"Then how about I and Ranma go then?" Miki suggested.  "I have a reason for going and I believe that it would cheer Ukyo up to see her fiancé." 

"Sure….I guess," Ranma agreed, slightly uncomfortable with being referred to as Ukyo's fiancé. Akane twitched. Without another word, she slammed her stiff book bag down on the pigtailed boy's head and stomped off rather than walked off.  Large drops of sweat appeared on the backs of the remaining boys' heads as they watched the angry girl disappear down the road and felt the tremors of the ground subside.  

"Umm…see you guys later, I guess.  Say hi to Ukyo for us," Hiroshi finally broke the ice and he and Daisuke headed off towards their homes, leaving Miki and Ranma alone with the departing crowd who had heard that the event had been canceled. Ranma removed the brown school bag from his head and hurled it in the direction of the Tendo Dojo where it landed on the shoji board, scattering the game pieces everywhere.  A crying Soun Tendo thanked the gods as the giant panda he was playing against held up a sign covered with obscene words to express his rage. 

Solving the problem with Akane's bookbag, Ranma and Miki departed from the vacant lot and walked over to Ucchan's.

The restaurant was dark and the door was locked when they arrived. A simple white sign announced that the restaurant was closed for the day.

"I suppose we should come back another time, Ranma Saotome," Miki said matter-of-factly as he pushed the bridge of his tinted glasses up with a finger.  

"I guess she never told ya 'bout her system with me," Ranma said as he drew a small brass key from his pocket. "She insisted that I have a key for her door a while ago." He unlocked the door and silently slid it open.  Both boys entered, their eyes taking to adjust to the unusual darkness that resided within.  When they could make out vague outlines of large structures, they made their way to the backstairs which led to Ukyo's private quarters. 

"Ucchan!" Ranma called through the door. "It's Ranma and Miki. Can we come in?" 

There was the sound of shuffling and drawers being hastily opened and closed and then silence.

"Come in then," Ukyo sighed. Ranma slid the door open and half-expected to see his "cute" fiancée in tears from the way she sounded.  However, the girl appeared slightly miffed and melancholy at most as she sat upon her futon, dressed in her dark blue yukata patterned with soft pink flowers.  There was one other time he saw that expression on a girl's face and that situation was not unlike the one he was facing.

Ukyo unconsciously had her fingers curled around a lock of her hair.  It took Ranma a second to recognize Ukyo without her long chestnut mane.  She had obviously trimmed it a little to make it appear neater and more of a deliberate haircut instead of a hacking

The two boys sat near the bedding, sitting back on their heels. Miki was the first to speak.

"I've brought you the notes from class today.  Mr. Watanabe says there's going to be a test on Thursday after our vac-" he began to take out his notebook but Ukyo silenced him with a turn of her head, looking at the ground with quivering eyes.

"Why even bother? I am going to be expelled anyways," she said softly but angrily.  Miki sighed and silently got up to place the notebook on her desk before sitting down again. Unfortunately, Ranma did not know how to deal with upset people very well and patted her on the back in an amiable manner. 

"Come on, Ucchan. It can't be that bad," Ranma tried to cheer her up, putting her spatula into her hands.  He then opened his school bag and set her sliced bandolier and miniature utensils on the carpeted floor.  "I mean, school isn't that important. I mean, you're running a good business here an' stuff." 

"…maybe your education is not so important to you, Ran-chan…" Ukyo said, gripping her weapon, "but my father had always said that I should at least get through high school and now that I've probably been expelled, the other high school nearest here won't have…." She trailed off, unable to say that she was afraid that without her presence at Furinkun, Akane would have Ranma all to herself during the school hours. Ranma bit his lip. He hadn't anticipated that his well-meaning words would upset his third fiancée. He switched over to Plan B.

"Don't look so glum, Ucchan," Ranma said, tilting her head up with a gentle hand. "I want to see your cute smile."  Ukyo blushed as she stared back at her fiancé and managed a weak smile.  That was Ranma for you; he might have screwed some things up but he had this thing with cheering up his fiancées.  Ranma grinned back and picked up his backpack.

"I hope you're feeling better, girl," Ranma said as he stood up. "Hiroshi and Daisuke told me to say hi for them. I am sure everythin' will work out somehow. Sorry for havin' to leave so soon but the Tendos are going on a trip during the break so I hafta get back and help pack up."

Ukyo's face and heart fell.  Her fiancé was going to spend time with Akane during the break instead of her and the disappointment showed. 

"…I understand, Ran-chan. Have fun," she sighed, setting her large spatula aside.  Miki looked silently at the girl who appeared so forlorn and tired.  He cleared his throat.

"I will have to go as well.  My family is having a dinner party tonight and I can't afford to miss it.  If you have any problems, give me a call," he said, referring to the book of math notes he left on her desk.  The girl nodded and waved silently as the two boys exited her room.  She heard the sounds of the sliding door being opened and shut, the metallic jingles as it was locked and the sound of footfalls fade away.  Ukyo sighed again. Ranma was right; there was no use in dwelling on what happened if she couldn't change it. 

 She rummaged for the tv remote that had mysteriously disappeared under her futon and turned the small television on.  As she watched a new episode of one of her favorite action shows, she couldn't help remembering the anger she had towards a certain bandanna'ed boy.  As the action and drama of the program climaxed, she realized that Ranma's kind words had only distracted her attention from the issues at hand. She had not gotten over the events at all and felt as if a bottomless lonely and angry void resided within her. Ukyo gripped the remote control tightly as the image of Ryoga Hibiki refused to leave her mind. She snapped out of her angry trance-like state as the loud discharges of a machine gun erupted from the television.  A second later, the main character, Masao Hitohiro, cried out as a bullet found its mark in his right shoulder and crimson blood splurged everywhere.  He lost his grip on the speeding car he was clinging to and fell into the river below the bridge the vehicle was passing on. 

"NO-!!! MASAO!" his girlfriend shrieked from the car as the scene zoomed out to show someone's feet upon a hill overlooking the scene.  The shot faded into darkness with the words "to be continued" following it and the credits rolled as the cheesy yet catchy theme song played.  

Ukyo hurled the remote at the set, frustrated that she had blanked out during the scenes in-between and did not understand the ending.  The device hit the side of the television, causing the latter to break out into blaring static.  Annoyed by the static-y display that made her think of an accident at a pepper-and-salt factory, she flung a miniature spatula at the 'off' button.  The piece of metal managed to turn the television off but it had embedded itself in the plastic switch in the process.

"Jackass," she muttered, brushing the hair out of her eyes. "You distracted me."

****

"Stop being mean to P-chan!" Akane chastised Ranma as she hugged her pet piglet to her chest, rubbing at the bump that had appeared on P-chan's head as a result of Ranma's good aim with a plastic pan.  The half-naked girl Ranma snarled at the piglet who stuck his tongue out at the red-headed girl. 

"I would if the dumb pig would stop arguing with me in the bathroom!" Ranma yelled; her voice reaching a higher octave than usual. 

"Uh huh, like P-chan can talk with you!" Akane glared. "You were picking on him again, weren't you?!" 

Ranma grit his teeth. It was times like these that he wished that he had not vowed to keep the Lost Boy's curse a secret from Akane.  The only things that came out of that vow were more beatings from his bellicose fiancée and battle scars from P-chan's biting and kicking frenzies. It angered him further that the pig would seek refuge behind Akane, receive a kiss on the snout and then go off to sleep in the same bed with her. 

"I wouldn't waste my breath on that dumb P-brain,"  Ranma spat.  It was so unfair that Ryoga would always grab the pan of cold water when he didn't want to talk to him to transform into P-chan and then team up with Akane to pulverize him. It just wasn't fair.  At least the pork-butt could have only transformed himself instead of splashing him as well. 

"And I am sure he wouldn't want to spend time to do the same either," Akane replied. "Right, P-chan?" she cooed in a sickening sweet way to the small black animal that had snuggled into her soft flannel nightshirt.  Ranma drew close to P-chan and glared cross-eyed at him with an angry scowl.

 "Stupid swine. Won't even stand still to talk about what happened today, huuuuhh?" Ranma stretched the corners of her mouth with her index fingers and waggled her tongue at the agitated animal.  The loudest recorded scream in history erupted from the Tendo household when a set of razor-sharp teeth sank into Ranma's vulnerable tongue.

***

"Oh, Ranma, are you all right?" Akane asked again as she put away the first-aid kit. Ranma stopped shooting death-glares at P-chan with her mouth slightly open and her damaged tongue hanging out and looked at Akane who looked deeply concerned. 

The pigtailed girl was now clad in a white tanktop that had the word '**EXCEL' printed across the front in bold black letters as well as the usual blue-and-yellow  boxers. **

"Whacht youthiahck, stoohpid?" Ranma managed to say.  Akane 'hmphed'. So much for being thanked after the whole fiasco.  She turned her attention to P-chan.  He looked at her with large "I-am-so-cute-and-innocent" eyes and cowered as he sensed anger from his mistress.

"I know that it was Ranma's fault for hitting you but you know better than to bite him like that! Bad P-chan!" Akane scolded.  Ranma couldn't believe her ears. Akane actually scolding P-brain? That was a first. 

"Though it would be nice to not have to listen to him talk so much," she smirked. Ranma fell over. Not fair. It just wasn't fair.

Akane's expression turned serious again. "But I'll have to teach you a lesson, P-chan. What if you bite someone else? People might think you have rabies and Daddy would send you away." P-chan shook his head as if to say that he wouldn't bite anyone else (in fact he was) but Akane Tendo remained firm.  She scooped the piglet up and kneeled to set him down outside on the grass in the yard. P-chan squealed in protest and looked at the blue-haired girl.

She swatted him a little hard on the rump and started heading inside. "You'll sleep outside tonight, P-chan. I'll let you back in tomorrow before we leave." She looked at the sad piglet before her and then to the skies which were being covered by dark clouds. She then added, "if it starts to rain, be smart and go under the house to sleep." She then shut the door.

The large rabbit-like ears of P-chan lowered as he sat on the soft green grass looking rather miserable. He gave a soft 'bwee' and wandered to the far corner of the yard, his little piggy heart dashed into a million pieces. Ryoga Hibiki was a man with a heart of glass and his alter ego shared the same characteristic.  Many would call him overreactant for the boy was overly emotional and took things at least nine times as hard as a normal person would. Luckily for him, many girls found that characteristic cute.  Unfortunately, it always gave him great grief when Akane was involved. 

 Akane had hit him. HIS Akane had hit him….

Tears blurred his vision as he wandered blindly through a small hole in the wall.  With surging emotions of sorrow expressing themselves as loud 'bwees', P-chan tore down the streets; neither knowing nor caring where he got lost this time as rain visited the district of Nerima yet again

.  

*****

Ukyo opened her blue umbrella before stepping out into the rain.  Putting out the trash was one of her least favorite activities but being a restaurant owner, she could not allow ants and other pesky critters roaming around in her property.  She walked over to the large trash can near her restaurant and lifted the lid, taking care not to breathe in the noxious odors. The okonomiaki cook quickly disposed of her trash bag and replaced the lid.  She took a deep breathe, the smell of wet pavement reaching her nose. She looked down the road at the lit houses and noticed something out of the ordinary. A small black blur was moving towards her, squealing at the top of its lungs.  

"What's that?" She wondered aloud, stepping further into the road. The blur ran nearer and slammed into Ukyo's shins, nearly knocking her off balance and getting her wet.  She sighed in relief that she remained dry; it would have been a hassle to journey down to the public baths again, especially when it was raining.  Remembering that something had slammed into her, she looked down at her sandaled feet.  A small black pig was shaking his head, completely dazed from colliding with her legs.  Ukyo saw the yellow bandanna and immediately recognized him.

"Why you're Akane's pet pig!" she addressed the miniature barn animal as she scooped him up with her free arm.

"What are you doing out here? You're soaking wet," she stated rather than asked since she considered it silly to be talking to a pig. 

"Bwweeeeee…." P-chan moaned, trying to remember if it was illegal to lick doorknobs on Mars or not.  Ukyo looked at him strangely. 

"Better get you inside before we both catch cold, Sugar," Ukyo said as she carried him back inside.  The door slid shut and Ukyo set the piglet on the ground.  P-chan dried himself off in the manner not unlike a dog, sending small water droplets everywhere.  The okonomiaki cook sighed, not wanting to bother to clean up the small wet areas.  She walked over to the small pink pay phone that sat at the corner of her restaurant and deposited a ten-yen piece. Hearing the dial-tone, she punched in the number for the Tendo residence.  The ringing of the telephone purred in her ear.  As she waited, Ukyo watched P-chan crawl to a secluded corner and sulk.  He sneezed and continued to look glum.  Ukyo couldn't help but feel slightly amused at the human-like qualities the small piglet possessed. 

"Hello, Tendo residence," Nabiki picked up, sounding like her usual self.  The sounds of usual war were heard in the background and Nabiki gave an audible sigh of annoyance. Yup. The sounds of normality at the Tendo Residence.  

"Hi, Nabiki," Ukyo started, the fingers on her free hand playing with the phone cord. "Is Akane in?" 

"Sure, hang on.  She's trying to kill Ranma again." Ukyo heard the phone being placed on a table and distantly heard Nabiki yell for Akane.  The cacophony in the background suddenly stopped.  The silence was replaced with the sound of wood connecting with skull and then the pattering of feet.  

"Hello?" Akane answered, sounding too pleasant to have been involved with another squabble with Ranma.  

"….yeah. Hello, Akane. It's Ukyo," Ukyo replied.

"Oh, hey! How have you been, Ukyo? I've been worried about you! Are you-"

"Yeah, I am fine. Don't worry about me, alright?" Ukyo cut the other girl off, feeling slightly uncomfortable. "Anyways, I was walking around outside when a little pig crashed into me. I think it's your P-chan."

"P-chan?!" Akane squealed, alarmed. "B-but I –hold on- P-chaaan-!" Akane had set down the phone and went calling for her pet pig.  A minute later, she returned to the phone, sounding out of breath.

"He must have wandered out through that hole we have in the wall. Thank you so much for finding him, Ukyo!" Akane said, grateful. 

"Hey, it's no big deal.  Poor guy seems so depressed," The chestnut-haired girl glanced over at P-chan who was still sulking in the corner, looking more like a lost puppy than a pig.

"Yeah…I sorta had to punish him today. Can I talk to him?" Akane asked with concern in her voice

Ukyo raised an eyebrow, glad that Akane couldn't see her puzzled expression.  Akane was a strange one, alright. She talks to her pet pig on the phone, she couldn't help thinking. 

"Sure…" Ukyo make a beckoning motion with her hand.  P-chan looked at her and then slumped down again.  

"Hey, piggy," Ukyo hissed, clamping a hand over the mouthpiece. "It's Akane. She wants to talk to you."

At his mistress' name, P-chan bounded over and Ukyo scooped him up.  He pressed his ear to the receiver and let out a small oink. 

"P-chan!" Akane's voice came forth. "My poor baby! I am sorry I hit you. Are you alright? Did you catch cold?" 

P-chan gave a small squeal, replying 'no' to reassure Akane.  She cooed again, filling his heart with fuzzy goodness.

"I am so relieved! Will you ever forgive me, baby?"  

"Bwee!" 

Ukyo lifted the receiver to her ear. She nodded as Akane explained that she'd pick up her pet the next morning before she left for her trip.  Saying goodbye, she replaced the phone to its proper place and set P-chan down.  

His Akane wasn't mad at him! She wasn't mad at him! 

P-chan danced a little piggy jig around the restaurant.  Ukyo gave a weak smile; even the Tendo family's pets were strange. 

**********

Still setting the stage…yeah, yeah, I take forever with these things.  I promise you that I shall attempt to bring in the more humorous aspects of this fic in later chapters. Where's the romance, you ask? ….I think I ordered it online a while ago…I still haven't received it. Damn. Yes, yes, it's coming….hopefully it will be convincing. Yatta. Thanks for reviewing, people! It makes me feel fuzzy. 

Thanks for being my vic- erm, I mean beta-reader for this fic, Kat!(everyone go read Kat's work NOW!  She's a gazillion times better at writing than me!)  And look! Masao wormed his way into this! Damn him! XD 

[EXPLANATION] Yes, I do know that [some] people of Furinkin High know that Ukyo is a girl. However, the number of people who do know** is debatable (I am familiar with her intro story and I highly doubt that the whole school could have fit in the storage room…word can get around but yeah; I based part of this logic on the Ukyo's Skirt episode where no one outside of her homeroom recognized her besides Kuno. Kuno is smart.). That is why I said the ****ignorant students now knew her true gender…. I hope that explained my choice of confusing wording. [/EXPLANATION]**

Errrmm….until the next update! …whenever that might be. (*COUGH*HACK*reviewsaregood*COUGH*)

-SV


	4. hot water

Part four of the fan fiction that won't die. Enjoy. Or not. Throw something at it then. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
Spilt Sauce ; Chapter Four  
By Silver Vaporeon   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

It was hard giving P-chan a bath but Ukyo managed to give P-chan a quick scrubbing with shampoo. As she dried the small piglet off with her hairdryer, the question of why P-chan shunned the warm water she had filled the large cooking pot with. He had run around the kitchen, squealing in horrified protest. The okonomiyaki cook had only managed to grab onto the pig's bandana before he slipped out of it and out of sight. It had taken her about an hour full of confusion and frustration to find him hiding in the cupboards. She was annoyed with the fact that she probably had to clean out all the pots and pans in P-chan's hiding place (lest the pig had diseases) but was glad that the piglet did not attempt to bite her when she successfully captured and tossed him into the now-barely lukewarm water. The sharp fanged teeth that Ranma had often complained about had often sent chills down her spine and she was not willing to risk the pig to run amuck again - even bite her - if she tried giving him a warm bath. 

"There we go, all done, piggy," Ukyo sighed and turned the blow-dryer off. P-chan shook himself to rid his body of the prickling sensation the hot air had given him. The girl scooped him up gently and walked up the stairs to her private quarters after turning off the lights downstairs. She slid the door open and entered, closing the door behind her. The lights flickered on and P-chan found himself in a small room and looked curiously at the rumpled futon and then at the television that seemed to have one of Ukyo's spatulas embedded into it. 

"It's not much," Ukyo breathed, "but it's home. You're probably more used to running around the large Tendo residence, huh, piggy?" 

"Bwee," P-chan shook his head and then looked around. Ukyo walked past him and opened the small closet to bring out a spare blanket. It had a pattern on it akin to the one on Ukyo's uniform that she wore for her work and would have been suspectful of being from the same fabric if it wasn't soft. She folded it loosely and set it on the floor. She then looked sternly at P-chan. 

"This is going to be your bed for now. Don't you dare tear at it or make a mess on it," she said. P-chan shook his head quickly, almost as if he understood not to harm the blanket in any physical way. 

Satisfied with the piglet's answer, Ukyo turned off the lights and slipped into the futon, quickly lulled to sleep by the pattering of the rain. P-chan trotted over to the blanket and settled himself down, nuzzling in the downy softness. He looked over to where the young girl slept, a slight frown on her face. 

Nevertheless, she looked calmer than she usually did when he saw her…bordering on being overwhelmed with her business….excited about a new plan to split Ranma and Akane up…when she yelled at him that day… 

He sighed, noting the haircut that he had helped give her. It was just like before...when he had first arrived in Nerima and his razor-sharp belt had sliced through his dear Akane's long raven hair. She had forgiven him by the time he saw her again as a human. Ukyo on the other hand… 

She didn't seem to be the type of girl to easily forgive someone. 

On the other hand, Ranma's father had shamed her by making off with her dowry. And from what she told him, she forgave Ranma and decided not to kill him when she realized it wasn't his fault and when she realized he loved her, saying she was cute. Perhaps if **he** said she was… P-chan shook his head. 

As if Ukyo Kuonji would believe he thought she was cute if he had said so. 

As if he would stoop to such levels to declare her more beautiful than Akane Tendo. Even if it would be a white lie. 

He gave a soft bwee and closed his eyes, the vision of Akane guiding him to sleep. 

**** 

"He's at _whose_?!" Ranma looked up at his fiancée as he made his way down the hall towards his room, a towel draped over his shoulder. 

"You heard me the first time; P-chan got lost in the rain and Ukyo found him around her restaurant," Akane repeated for the pigtailed boy. Ranma turned his head, the wheels of inner speculation grinding together as facts clashed with each other. Ryoga had seemed pretty set on avoiding Ukyo for the remainder of his lifetime the last time he had seen him, which was in the Tendo bath before he had morphed into P-chan with a bucket of cold water. There was just no logical reason why the black bit of bacon would have decided to drop by Ukyo's residence on purpose. So it probably wasn't. 

"I see. So you gonna leave pork-butt over at Ucchan's during the trip?" Ranma inquired. Akane flashed an angry glare at the red-shirted martial artist. 

"Don't call him that! And for your information, I am going to go over tomorrow to pick him up before we leave," she replied and turned her head. Ranma narrowed his eyes. 

"So he'd get lost out in the streets again? You know we can't take him on the trip anyways, you know, the whole "no pets allowed" rule at the inn?" 

"Don't be stupid, Ranma, he's been able to take care of himself and Dr. Tofu said he'd leave food and water out for P-chan every day," Akane shot in defense. Ranma put his hands behind his head, an idea taking root in the corner of his mind. 

"Well, I dunno, Akane, P-chan was lookin' pretty scrawny the last time he came here. Maybe it's best to let Ucchan take care of him while we're gone instead of letting him wander around and hope that he'd get something to eat," Ranma replied. Akane looked at Ranma as if he had told her that the koi in the pond outside had learned how to dance the Charleston. 

"Why?" Akane asked Ranma. "I mean, I just told her I'd be picking P-chan up tomorrow and it really would be an extra hassle, especially after what happened. Or she could take the chance to hurt P-chan because that would be hurting me and- oh, gods! What if she tried to eat him!?" 

Ranma stared at his fiancée. "You know, that last half sounded incredibly stupid. Ucchan hasn't been plotting anything since who knows when and she doesn't even serve pork at her restaurant, let alone eat it. Something about eating spoiled pork when she was a little kid…" 

"Whatever, Ranma!" Akane interrupted Ranma's lovely digression from the topic at hand. "Even if she doesn't dice him up, it's still bothering her!" 

"Do you ever take care of P-chan? Aside from feeding him table scraps?" Ranma pointed out. "I don't think so. Heck, you never even trained the porker and he hasn't made a mess out of the place. Does he ever put a wrench into your routines? Does having him make you unhappy?" 

Akane put a finger to her lips in thought for a moment and then shook her head before blinking in realization about what Ranma was trying to hint at. "No….i-in fact…P-chan always makes me happy whenever I get sad…" 

Ranma smiled. Like it or not, Ryoga was going to be spending some time thinking about how to talk to Ukyo. 

********* 

"Yes, I got a new haircut, Mr. Oro, I found it to be a hassle in my line of work, you know?" Ukyo replied when her usual weekend-morning patron stepped in and stared at her, wondering what was different about the chief. He gave a small nod for her explanation was logical and was soon eating his usual order. Ukyo sighed and sat down on the small stool behind the counter, twisting a lock of her hair between her fingers. It was an odd feeling to have such short hair. Sure, she tied it back often but she was not used to the lightness of her head or the absence of the tassel of hair brushing against her neck. She looked towards the stairs of the building, hoping that the pig would have the sense to not create a ruckus after he woke up. 

Not a moment after the thought finished expressing itself in her mind, she heard a squeal and the thumping of P-chan bouncing down the stairs. He landed head-first on the hard wooden floor and rolled in the teetering fashion of a coin past the grill and into the dining section. Eventually, his body found a spot against the wall to crash against, proving Newton's first law to be true. A flimsy piece of paper fluttered off the wall and landed on the piglet's large snout, making him look utterly, pathetically and pitifully cute. In fact, if there were Japanese school girls instead of a middle-aged salary man eating breakfast at that moment, one would have heard a unanimous "aww". Ukyo sighed and abandoned her post behind the grill, walking towards the disorientated piglet who continued to ram his head into the wall as he tried to find his way back to the stairs. 

"You idiot pig…" the chef muttered as she yanked the pig up by the bandana which somehow didn't choke him. "You can't wander around in the kitchen, y'know. Someone would try to order pork okonomiyaki or something if they see you. You stay upstairs for now, alright?" 

"Bwee~" P-chan nodded his head which was throbbing like mad and nodding did nothing to cure it. Ukyo walked back to the staircase and set him on the third step. After much thought, the piglet figured out where the room was and bounded upwards. Ukyo walked back to her station behind the grill and watched her patron partake in her specialty. 

The door slid open and Akane walked in, smiling and carrying a bulky, wrapped bundle under her arm which was covered by the long sleeve of her usual yellow sweater. Ukyo gave a small sigh of relief and ventured from behind the grill to meet with her. 

"Akane, you're here! Wait right here, I'll go get your piggy," Ukyo started to turn when Akane spoke up. 

"Ukyo, I am really sorry to bother you with a request but…do you think you can take care of P-chan for me while me and my family are gone?" Akane asked, hoping that her story would be convincing enough. Ukyo blinked and looked back at her friendly rival. 

"Huh? I thought you were going to take him with you today, that's what you told me," Ukyo said, a bit confused. Akane shook her head. 

"No, I was going to leave him at Dr. Tofu's place because the inn that we're going to doesn't allow animals but Dr. Tofu's just told me he couldn't look after P-chan this time so, I-I am sorry that this is such short notice but…can you take care of him? Ranma thought you'd be great for the job. I-it really wouldn't be that much of a-" 

"L-Look, Sugar, I run a restaurant. That means customers come in every day and I don't have time to babysit little pigs during working hours. There's a lot of dangerous stuff in here: gas, knives, shredders…if he got out and went sniffing around, you'd have sliced bacon for a pet," Ukyo argued. 

"Well, P-chan isn't a normal pig; he'll listen if you tell him not to do something and he knows what to avoid. Please, Ukyo, can you please take care of him? It won't be for long and he can be a good pig to talk to," Akane stumbled with her words. 

"Well…I really don't know and there is the bill to sort out and stuff," Ukyo sighed. Akane grabbed the opportunity that Ukyo's doubt presented and held out the bundle she was carrying. 

"These would be the things he needs. He knows how to use a litter box if you can't leave the door open all the time; it's all in here…there should be enough food in there for him as well," Akane pressed. Ukyo bit her lip. It would mean some extra work for her but then again, it could earn brownie points with Ranma who *had* recommended her…. 

"Alright, Akane, but he'd better not give me much trouble or I'll have to take my complaints to you when you get back," Ukyo finally replied. Akane smiled widely and pushed the bundle into Ukyo's arms. 

"Thank you so much, Ukyo! Can I just see him before I go though?" 

Ukyo, getting over her shock nodded her head towards the stairs. "Sure. He's up in my room." 

"Great! I just need to say goodbye to him," Akane grabbed the bag from Ukyo again and ran up the stairs. Ukyo shook her head. How did she ever wind up in these things? 

******* 

"P-chan!" Akane set down the pack near the door and scooped up her pet piglet into her arms as he bounded towards her while squealing happily. After giving him a large hug, she held him up to eye-level. "Guess what, P-chan? You won't have to wander around the streets waiting for me to come back!" 

P-chan gave her a puzzled look. Every time she had gone a trip, he'd take the opportunity to "show up" at the same place in human form and hopefully spend a few days with her without getting lost. Either that or he'd get himself lost looking for her. Akane giggled at his perplexity and continued. 

"I just talked to Ukyo about you and she said she'd take care of you while I am gone. Isn't that great news, baby?" she cooed. P-chan's eyes bugged out and he squealed in protest. Spending time with Ukyo was not very high on his list while she was still mad at him. 

"Aww, P-chan, don't be so surprised. She'll take good care of you so you'd better not wander off and cause her any trouble, alright? Show her why I think you're the best pet in the whole wide world," Akane smiled and P-chan's fragile heart melted and broke at the same time. She had such faith in him that he wouldn't cause any trouble…but to spend two weeks or more as a pig with a girl that hated his human side…but Akane would be happy…. 

He drooped his head and nodded, promising to be on good behavior. 

********* 

Throughout the day, usual customers wandered in and out of Ucchan's Okonomiyaki, eating their orders, slightly surprised about the change in their cook's hair, making Ukyo more and more self-conscious as time continued on its merciless path. She had been looking forward to the deluge of customers that usually came because of the absence of school but the recent turn of events had made her consider closing her doors for the day. And of course, money was always an issue. 

Most of the patrons were nice enough to either make forced comments about it or ignore the change altogether though she decided against it to prove that her business would be unaffected by personal conflicts. However, there were also the inconsiderate ones from Furinkun and their friends from the surrounding high schools who talked loudly about the incident from the day before and about how this saw this and that. Eventually, by the end of the day, the facts got so twisted and warped that some of the people who weren't at the scene had believed that Ukyo was involved with some intimate relationship with the principal or in some other ridiculous scandals, some of which Ukyo believed were spread by Shampoo to bring more business to the Cat Café or simply just to spite her. How the rumors spread so fast, she had no idea. All she knew was that by three that afternoon, she was going to snap if anything else happened. 

When night fell, Ukyo gave P-chan a small bowl of rice with some vegetables when she found that the "biscuits" that Akane had packed for her pet were harder than petrified stone. Akane was right about one thing; P-chan kept out of the way a lot of the times, so much that she even forgot about him for a whole day, which was fine enough for him, though his growling stomach made her remember him again. Ukyo was tired of running back and forth through the restaurant that gave her more trouble than usual and always full of delinquents. With no time to really unwind, her schedule consisted of getting up, getting dressed, working all day, feeding P-chan, changing clothes and going to sleep which was making her more and more edgy. 

The blue-eyed girl would have expected Kodachi to be the one to add the final straw to break the camel's back. However, Kuno, who had stopped by to place a large order of okonomiyaki for a "gathering" at his house had told her that his younger sister had decided to venture to France for the remainder of her winter break to study French Rhythmic Gymnastic martial arts techniques which Ukyo had never heard of. Of course she never even heard of rhythmic gymnastics as being a form of martial arts before to begin with until she met Tatewaki's younger sister. The troublesome customers gave Ukyo little trouble after Kuno had brought his mighty bokken upon the head of a male delinquent and promised to give others a similar lesson if they followed in the boy's footsteps though some snide comments were made about how the kendoist had a thing for the okonomiyaki cook to which Kuno's ears turned pink as he angrily denied it and chased the hooligans out. 

Business soon trickled down as people left the area to visit family or got devoured by their schoolwork that was to be done during the break, leaving Ukyo with little to do. The math notes that Miki had left sat undisturbed on her desk next to her bookbag which had yet to be opened. In a way, she was glad that she didn't have to worry about schoolwork; the last few days had left her completely drained and only capable of doing routine jobs. 

By the end of the fourth day, Ukyo was tired of the dwindling business as Christmas drew near and closed shop for the rest of the break like all the other restaurants had and then headed upstairs. 

**** 

P-chan flopped onto the ground and stared at the ceiling. Being stuck in pig-form was driving Ryoga crazy and being cooped up in one area was not doing any good for him. His body was crying out for the open roads again but he reluctantly stayed because Akane had told him to do so and not give Ukyo any trouble. He had kept true to his word, though it didn't really require much on his part since he saw the girl twice a day (when she got up in the morning and when she trudged back into the room at night) and she barely said anything to him. He looked to the window and watched night fall on the district of Nerima. The days had gotten colder and the small pig was slightly glad that at least the room was warmer than the woods that he'd sleep in when he got lost. 

However, the pig was about to explode with unused energy if he didn't go out anytime soon. With nothing better to do, he ran around in circles. Or rather, wobbly paths that looped around the room. 

The door slid open and Ukyo entered the room, blinking a bit in amusement at the pig that was running about her living quarters. She sat by her small vanity and removed the white ribbon from her hair and started to run a comb through the mahogany tresses. Her eyes locked with her reflection's and then fell to it's still-unevenly cropped hair which she had came to hate even more after the mockery the troublemakers' had made of her. She stopped brushing her hair and slammed her hand against the wood surface of the dressing table in frustration. 

"That stupid jackass-! This is all his fault!" she cursed aloud. P-chan's legs lost control of themselves - like a bicyclist whose bike chain had come loose suddenly - and the piglet found himself tripping over himself, rolling head-over-heels into the wall. He looked at the girl with wide fearful eyes as the comb broke into two pieces in her hands and the pieces were thrown violently at the adjacent wall. 

_'So she's still angry…'_ he thought to himself as Ukyo slumped over on the dressing table, burying her head in her arms, frustrated with the week. Ryoga-turned-P-chan lowered his large black ears and made himself scarce his corner, hiding under the blanket he slept on. 

Ukyo took a deep cleansing breath to settle her nerves and stood up to look over her shoulder. 

"Piggy?" she blinked, seeing that P-chan was no longer running around the room. "Piggy? Where are you?" 

P-chan quivered from under the blue blanket. He was sure that Ukyo hadn't figured out his curse before and would have no anger towards him but the way she felt about him as Ryoga… 

It was quite nerve-wracking. 

The dark comforting surrounding suddenly disappeared and he gave out a squeal of fright as he saw Ukyo smirking at him, the blanket in her arms. 

"Silly pig. I am not mad at you. It's a nice night out, why don't you say we go for a walk?" she suggested. P-chan edged away, nervous about the sudden change in attitude. Ukyo's tensed expression and voice attempted to soften. "Piggy, come on, it will be good for both of us." 

Trying to hide his shaking, P-chan nodded his head. Ukyo gave an awkward smile and reached for Akane's bundle. She brought it forth and dug out a strange-looking green sweater that Akane had made to fit P-chan snuggly and chuckled. 

"Akane sure likes to give you accessories, 'P," She commented as she dressed P-chan to protect him from the cold outside. "It's sorta cute in a weird way." 

P-chan squealed in happiness, the raggedy home-made sweater reminding him of his mistress who had lovingly sewn the garment for him. The brown-haired girl rose to her feet again and walked to the small dresser and began untying the sash that wove around her blue chef's outfit and kept it from falling open. The sash hit the floor and the Ukyo began to pull one arm free of the sleeves of her robe. P-chan knew this signal all too well and turned the other way, thinking about lovely thoughts such as beating Ranma up into a bloody pulp to block out the sounds of clothing being shifted and dropped. After removing her sarashi, Ukyo pulled out a clean pink-and-white checkered yukata and quickly dressed herself in it for the weather was cold. 

P-chan heard some clattering and the other familiar noises of obtaining things. A lasso-like loop of white rope looped around his neck and pulled tight, elicting a panicky squeal from the poor pig. 

"Hey! Piggy! Settle down, it's only a leash so I don't lose you when we go out!" Ukyo explained, keeping a firm grip on the other end of the rope, waiting for P-chan to calm down. Eventually, he did and they made their way into the streets, Ukyo's geta "karan-koron"-ing upon the cement path in the silent night. 

P-chan looked towards the stars as he trotted along the path. They glittered brilliantly in the cold clear night sky. They had been his companions over the years he spent wandering all over Japan and he relaxed into a calm state of mind as he traced the familiar constellations out with his eyes. Too bad he never figured out how to use them as a map, though a map wasn't much of a help to him anyways. 

Karan. Koron. Karan. Koron. The wooden geta were a familiar and somewhat soothing sound in the darkness. Ukyo turned her gaze to the bright stars, her breath visible in small clouded wisps. 

"Hmm. The stars are bright tonight, aren't they, piggy?" she found herself talking to P-chan. P-chan gave a small oink which the girl interpreted as an agreement. She smirked to herself. Imagine; Ukyo Kuonji asking a pig for his opinion. She set the thought aside, not wanting to think about how ridiculous the notion was; she just wanted to relax. "Maybe we can go sit in the park later after we drop by the public baths," she continued. 

_BATHS?!_

P-chan looked up at Ukyo, who was going on about not washing herself over since the last week and how she probably smelled like sauce and batter, and squealed in horror. In the hand that she did not hold the other end of his leash was a small plastic wash-bin with dainty little bottles of shampoo and conditioner as well as a small face cloth. A larger matching towel was draped over her arm. P-chan's eyes bugged out of their sockets. He remembered once when the bath at the Tendo residence had broke, Akane had tried to take him to have a hot bath with her at the public facility. Luckily he had escaped before Akane could have reached him and returned a week later when she had forgotten about the incident and was too busy trying to kill her fiancé. 

What if Ukyo wanted to give him a washing with hot water? He realized, his stomach twisting into a tangled knot. He could hear the petrified screams and the beatings he would receive from the girls' side of the baths….. 

He tugged at his leash, eager to get away. Ukyo's arm followed the tugging and she nearly lost equilibrium but pulled the frantic pig back once she regained balance and recovered from the sudden shock. P-chan flailed and squealed but alas, his piggy body wasn't as strong as his human one. 

"Honestly! I don't understand you, you pig," Ukyo said, puzzled. "It's not like water is going to kill you or anything." She dragged him the rest of the way to the baths and tied him to the post outside. Or rather the other end of the leash since tying the piglet to the pole would bring PETA hollering and screaming at Ukyo on counts of animal abuse. 

"You wait out here while I wash up, alright? See you in a bit!" Ukyo said before disappearing into the facility. P-chan struggled against the agitating rope and finally bit his way through. There was no way he was hanging around to be doused with heated water if the girl decided to try to rinse him off after she was done with her own bath. 

Heated water….. 

He turned his head back to the baths and headed into the men's side, attracting a few puzzled looks and then even more when Ryoga emerged from the waters of the bath with a soaked miniature green sweater on his head. The Lost Boy tugged the sweater off his head and put it aside before stretching and placing his arms behind his head, glad to be human again. He let out a long sigh of contentment, soaking in the warmth of the water of the men's baths. Aside from the few men and boys who had stared at him when he transformed, there weren't any other people on his side of the public facility. In any case, it didn't bother Ryoga at all. In fact, it was a nice change from the times he usually spent slipping and sliding on the floor as P-chan when some obnoxious brat squirted him with cold water. 

An hour later, Ryoga exited the public baths, nice and toasty and wearing only a skimpy little towel around his waist, the little green sweater dangling in his hand. 

He looked around and felt relieved when he saw no sign of Ukyo screaming for a missing P-chan. The Lost Boy had grown frantic when he woke up beneath the waters of the baths and had bolted from the facility, remembering that he was supposed to be tied to the pole outside. In his haste, the two options he had of turning back into a pig or remaining human got mixed up in his head and his brain-on-automatic declared that he would be a human without clothes on since the little towel wrapped around his waist could hardly be considered an article of clothing. 

"Whew. I beat her out of there," Ryoga praised himself. "Now I just have to wait around f-for a w-w-while…" Ryoga threw his head back and sneezed. His knees knocked together and he rubbed at his arms to keep whatever warmth he had left. A cold breeze snuck up behind him and robbed him of more heat, as if to spite him. Ryoga cursed his luck and sneezed again, feeling rather miserable in the cold. 

A burgundy blur brushed by the Lost Boy with a large green sack over its back. Ryoga looked back to see what the heck it was and was taken by surprise when it changed its course, rebounded and ran smack into his nose. Ryoga yelped and tipped backwards before he used momentum to straighten himself again, his nose stinging a great deal. 

"Hey!" he cried, looking for the culprit who had smacked into his face. Finding no one at eye-level, he looked downwards and saw the legendary panty-thief himself. 

"Hello, Ryoga, m'boy!" Happosai greeted the Lost Boy. His wizened face smiled up at the younger man, a black kerchief around his head and tied beneath his nose. "Wanna help me on my nightly panty-raid?" 

Ryoga blushed in thought of the frilly feminine under-things but regained his stern angry look quickly. 

"Look, freak! I don't go stealing girls' underwear!" Ryoga pointed down at Happosai. "And neither should you!" 

Happosai frowned and looked away, his eyes closed. "Well, you should consider differently; you're in need of undies yourself." And with that, Happosai flipped up Ryoga's towel in the manner he'd flip up a girl's skirt. Of course, he didn't look at the Lost Boy as he did so. That would be just wrong. 

"AIE!" Ryoga quickly pulled down his little towel, making sure he was still of decency. "W-why you…..!" 

"Ha ha! Catch me if you can!" Happosai laughed gleefully, the green mini sweater waving around like a flag in his shriveled hand. Ryoga's eyes widened as he saw Akane's gift in the old man's hand. 

"COME BACK HERE!" Ryoga bounded after the little shrimpy man. He underestimated the old perverted man and his eyes lost track of the bouncing fleabag. Ryoga rounded the corner of the bathhouse where Happosai was jumping up and down in front of the wall. 

"Here! Over here, you slowpoke! You're getting' old!" Happosai sang gleefully, infuriating Ryoga even more. Ryoga clenched his fists and bared his teeth. How dare he steal his sweater! How DARE he! 

"Shut up, you oompa-loompa!" the bandana'ed boy yelled, throwing his right arm back, charging towards the miniature man. 

"BAKUSAI TENKETSU!" 

The old man jumped away at the last second but Ryoga's finger continued on its straight path and sank into solid brick easier than a hot knife cuts through butter. The wall buckled under Ryoga's 'breaking point' technique and a rough hole was formed, linking the inside with the outside and allowing volumes of steam to escape into the cold night. Happosai bounced off of Ryoga's head and headed inside the room behind the now-broken wall to the locker room where the women kept their underwear. 

"…huh?" Ryoga's eyes widened in shock as the steam cleared. Before him was the women's side of the bathhouse and the women stared back as they realized that there was a hole in the wall and that there was a draft. What they saw was a rather befuddled boy clad in a skimpy towel, red in the face and blood threatening to burst from his nose as his visual sense registered a scene that was rather reminiscent of Renoir's 'Bathers', replacing the sugar-coated pastel beauties with down-right embarrassed ladies ranging from teenaged girls to women of seniority. 

The screams of "PERVERT!" and "LECHER!" along with many death threats were heard as the horde of the women who were bathing took it upon themselves to run towards Ryoga and beat him nearly unconscious with wash bins and rocks from the demolished wall. Apparently, the women of Nerima really didn't go anywhere since there were a lot of them. Ryoga curled up into a defensive ball, his eyes squeezed shut as the women continued to lambaste him, fearing that he would be killed if he dared to open them. He wriggled this way and that, trying to find a means of escape but every time, another woman would kick him back into the fray and he'd be beaten up once more. The ring grew tighter and tighter around him and the voices grew louder and louder and soon he felt people stepping all over him. 

"But it wasn't my fault~!" he cried out pathetically. 

*SPLASH!* someone had tossed cold water on him - or rather at him - and he felt his body change instantly. His structure tightened and shrank and hands became hooves. And then someone stepped on him and he squealed like one of those rubber duckies one would see on Sesame Street. 

"Oh! Where'd this pig come from?" a teenaged girl exclaimed, picking the abused P-chan up, calling her acquaintances' attention. "He must have gotten caught in the fight, the poor thing!" P-chan grew nervous and hid his skewed eyes behind his large ears. 

"Hey! The pervert is gone!" another woman announced and the others murmured nervously. 

"Maybe he escaped out that hole that he made," a young girl observed. 

"They should really make these places more safe!" 

"You're tellin' me!" 

P-chan squirmed out of the girl's arms and ran through the bathhouse; slipping and sliding on the slippery floor and stumbled into the main lobby where he collapsed on the floor. 

"Piggy!" Ukyo, roughly dressed in her yukata, ran up from behind and scooped Ryoga-turned-P-chan up into her arms. Apparently, she had just ventured out of the locker rooms after she had donned her clothing again after her bath. "What the heck have you gotten yourself into? You look like you've gone through the blender, sugar!" 

"Bwee…." 

"Ukyo-baby!" Happosai sprang out from the locker room with his green sack full of women's underwear. He leaped up from behind to glomp Ranma's 'cute fiancée' who shoved an elbow into the old man in the face as he was diving at her. 

"Get lost, you old freak!" Ukyo spun around and screamed at him. "How DARE you sneak up on me like that when I was changing!" she gave him a few good stomps on the head before kicking him up into the starry night through the roof, leaving his stolen goods scattered on the floor of the building since they spilled out as he flew through the second story. The green sweater he had stolen from Ryoga floated harmlessly down onto P-chan's head and he held it between his teeth. Ukyo breathed harshly through her nose before calming down and running a hand through her short hair. 

"Really, that creep should stop trying to sneak up on people in the locker rooms!" Ukyo complained. P-chan shuttered in the girl's free arm that was cradling him gently, the taste of woolen yarn present throughout his mouth.   
It was all so very odd for her to be able to be kind and unmerciful at the same time. 

"We'd better go before people start asking questions, huh?" Ukyo stated rather than asked and ran out of the bathhouse with P-chan and her bath-things in one arm, her geta resounding on the sidewalk, before the other females decided to check the lobby for their missing under-things. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Well, that was getting way too long for me to continue and be sane while looking at it, and 'sides, I have APs coming so I figured, if I died because of them, at least you'd get part 4. PANIC INSUES! *ahem* So, yeah, decided to upload this part anyways even though I probably need to review over it again. Hopefully, that didn't bore anyone to death. Umm…Part Five coming sometime after APs are done. And hopefully that will be more interesting/developing than this part. Yeah…. 

Ciao for now. Make a fan fiction author happy. Review today. 

-SV 


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